Day Three

Finger prick blood test readings are a funny thing.  Not funny ha ha but funny strange. It’s 5.30 am and my fasting reading is 8 and last night’s reading was 6.9. This is absolutely brilliant for me considering they are normally in double figures!  The aim of course is for the both readings to be between 4 and 7.   To get to this I have to increase the amount of insulin that I take. At the present moment I take 70 mM and should be increasing this to get the readings down. 

When I first started taking insulin in May 2010 my readings would fluctuate each day.  The first week the lowest was 11.7 and the highest 17.5 between 13.5 and 10.5 higher than it should be at the highest reading.  It didn’t improve and I reached on one day 29.8, due to illness I think.  By the end of June my evening readings where still relatively high averaging for the week at 18.8.

I find it difficult to get my head around how by taking the tests at different times I could get different readings even if what I did or ate was the same as the day before.  Or if I took a reading at 5.30pm when I arrived home after work it may read 13.3 but by 7.30pm when I am ready to eat it would be different again!  I know that different foods affect the reading whether they have sugar in them or not. 

The increase in insulin mildly concerns me.  It really should concern me more but there has always been this ‘unbelief’ emotion and thinking that stops me being that concerned about it.   Considering the possible implications of diabetes I should be more concerned but I am not. 

What drives this search into learning whether it is possible to reverse diabetes type 2 is not the thought of amputation, going blind or having a heart attack.  It is how I feel physically and emotionally.  For me what matters is my quality of life now not in the future.  After all I may not have a future!  So today is what matters. How I feel, the energy levels that I have, how emotionally I feel.  One of the side effects of diabetes is depression.  I do notice a change in my emotions with a higher blood sugar reading.  I feel that I am bordering on manic depression some days but the lower the reading the more able I feel to deal with life and all that brings. 

It is clear that in order to gain a newfound vitality of life the areas to look at is diet, exercise, and emotional well being, all the areas that we are told to change.  The difference is the stance we come from.  The medical profession stance is about maintenance and keeping it under control as best we can. My stance is to reverse it and gain vitality of life once more.

Day One

Day one of the journey to freedom from diabetes is not really day one. Day one started with the decision that I no longer wanted to live with diabetes and how it affected by life.  That was over a year ago. 

‘Why’ you may be asking as it taken so long to do anything about it.

I wish I could give a good reason but on reflection I cannot.  When you find life a struggle, for whatever reason, you become stronger and focused on changing your circumstances or you succumb and give up on life.  I think I fit snugly into the ‘give up on life’.

My life like everybody else has had its ups and downs. But in order to understand my reactions, emotions and thoughts on this journey it is important to begin knowing that I start from a place of ‘giving up’.  ‘Giving up’ is how I have arrived at this place with type 2 diabetes, insulin dependent and struggling to get my sugar readings to where they should be.  I have started to experience problems that are diabetic related or at least exacerbated by diabetes.  You may recognise some of these if you are diabetic.

I am constantly tired and weary but more than that.  In the afternoon, after lunch, no matter how careful I have been during the morning with what I have eaten and drunk I have a slump.  A slump is not a forty winks affair.  It is: a total drainage of energy from my muscles, dizziness, blearing of sight, a brain that is foggy and cannot focus, and an extreme desire to sleep to the point that I have to pinch myself to stay awake.  If I have the opportunity to sleep I sleep deeply for a couple of hours, no dreams, no movement while asleep.  On waking I feel sick most of the time and it takes a good ten minutes for my brain to function properly.  It is no fun being diabetic!

I have always had a little psoriasis but it was not a problem until three years ago.  My hands and feet became covered and it would itch like made.  My hands would itch that much that I found that I would be scratching them in my sleep to the point that I made them bleed. The same would happen with my feet at night when I took off my shoes.  It has now started to spread up my legs.  Although I am on tablets to keep it at bay they restrict me and can cause problems with my liver. 

Besides keeping the moods under control the newest problem is the pain I have caused by the nerves in my wrists and ankles.  Although the pain is not constant, when it comes it is excruciating!

It makes me feel old and tired.  If you are unfamiliar with diabetes we are told at diagnosis it is a chronic disease.  This means that we have it for life and could see in our future a load of different complications ranging from blindness to amputation. 

BUT!

I believe there is hope that this is not strictly true!