Day one of the journey to freedom from diabetes is not really day one. Day one started with the decision that I no longer wanted to live with diabetes and how it affected by life. That was over a year ago.
‘Why’ you may be asking as it taken so long to do anything about it.
I wish I could give a good reason but on reflection I cannot. When you find life a struggle, for whatever reason, you become stronger and focused on changing your circumstances or you succumb and give up on life. I think I fit snugly into the ‘give up on life’.
My life like everybody else has had its ups and downs. But in order to understand my reactions, emotions and thoughts on this journey it is important to begin knowing that I start from a place of ‘giving up’. ‘Giving up’ is how I have arrived at this place with type 2 diabetes, insulin dependent and struggling to get my sugar readings to where they should be. I have started to experience problems that are diabetic related or at least exacerbated by diabetes. You may recognise some of these if you are diabetic.
I am constantly tired and weary but more than that. In the afternoon, after lunch, no matter how careful I have been during the morning with what I have eaten and drunk I have a slump. A slump is not a forty winks affair. It is: a total drainage of energy from my muscles, dizziness, blearing of sight, a brain that is foggy and cannot focus, and an extreme desire to sleep to the point that I have to pinch myself to stay awake. If I have the opportunity to sleep I sleep deeply for a couple of hours, no dreams, no movement while asleep. On waking I feel sick most of the time and it takes a good ten minutes for my brain to function properly. It is no fun being diabetic!
I have always had a little psoriasis but it was not a problem until three years ago. My hands and feet became covered and it would itch like made. My hands would itch that much that I found that I would be scratching them in my sleep to the point that I made them bleed. The same would happen with my feet at night when I took off my shoes. It has now started to spread up my legs. Although I am on tablets to keep it at bay they restrict me and can cause problems with my liver.
Besides keeping the moods under control the newest problem is the pain I have caused by the nerves in my wrists and ankles. Although the pain is not constant, when it comes it is excruciating!
It makes me feel old and tired. If you are unfamiliar with diabetes we are told at diagnosis it is a chronic disease. This means that we have it for life and could see in our future a load of different complications ranging from blindness to amputation.
BUT!
I believe there is hope that this is not strictly true!
